Today I am having a shitty day. You know what I am talking about; it is one of those days when you wake up in a bad mood and no matter how much you try to cheer yourself up, your surliness just grows.
One thing is to be sour for a reason - when I have a peg to put my misery on, it is somehow easier. The fault is outside of me, things being done to me, other people/situations/force maj eure is to blame. To hell with them all!
But days like these - when nothing is really wrong - everything is just fine, except my mood, now these days are the worst! Since I have trouble just accepting stuff, especially feelings, I always search for adequate explanations. Usually when I get like this I blame my relentless ambitions. No matter what I do or what I achieve I always feel like I am supposed to be somewhere else and if I only get there I will be happy.
The fun is always elsewhere - right?
Right, but it is when we turn left that the real fun begins......we walk, drive, sit, kneel and pray.
then we stop....
because we just don't know what it is that we should pray for
or who is listening.
and we judge ourselves for who we are not
but for who we think we are.
on these days we are trapped
we throw punches in the air
trying to land on something concrete.
and the songs keep playing.
and the sky keeps shaking.
but so you know....
i would...
i would put my hand in your mouth
to get the pit from your stomach
i would....
sell you something you don't need just so you would have it in case you ever did.
i would...
give you a kiss in the rain so that for one instant
or one moment
life stops
and we feel clean.
What I want
All I really wanted
Just to live my life on high
(REM)